The Legends, The Heros, and Those I Have No Clue About

Lately, I’ve been struggling with the whole notion of a “Rock and Roll Hall of Fame” (or in the parlance of our times , the RRHOF). I know I should be worrying about more pressing concerns, such as “How can I really deliver to my sales team in our fourth quarter?”, “What am I going to do with the rest of my life?” or my personal favorite, “Who’s really going to be at the Passover table this year?”. However, as a lover of rock music and its underlying lore, I take issue with the way the whole farkakter RRHOF is being run. The cognitive dissonance I am experiencing is a result of an online discussion with P.Oui (also known as Peter from Boston - kudos to him for the great inspiration for this soon-to-be-boring rant).

Allow me to clarify and elaborate.

The pedigree of the membership varies from Hall-of-Fame to Hall-of-Fame. For instance, the standard for all HOF’s, is the Baseball Hall of Fame. There is considered to be no greater (relative) pantheon that can be reached anywhere in sport. Seriously, no other HOF has the mystique surrounding it like the shrine in Cooperstown (New York State) does. Baseball writers (who vote on who gets in and who doesn’t) take the induction of members VERY seriously. You have to have transcended the game at some level (I don’t know if I’m using that term in the proper conext, but I’ve always really wanted to use that term somewhere). For instance, Cal Ripken and his consecutive game streak or Nolan Ryan and his seven No-Hitters are examples of the aforementioned criteria. Baseball fans, no matter how much they LOVE a particular player, just KNOW if their guy is a hall-of-famer or not. A perfect example: Expos fans loved Tim Raines. The guy played for us for around 9 years, stole a zillion bases and was short & stumpy. He was awesome! Yeah! Number 30!!! The ROCK! But…. Baseball Hall of Fame- worthy? Not a chance, and ‘Spos fans knew it. To get into Cooperstown, you need to have been stellar, and not just stellar for a few years, but stellar for your entire career, which needed to have lasted at least 12 years. If the good folks on Sunday morning religious programming have taught me well, it’s probably simpler to get into the pearly gates of the heaven above, than it is to enter the hallowed halls of Cooperstown.

In stark contrast to Cooperstown, is Toronto’s very own Hockey Hall of Fame. Chances are, if you’ve ever played hockey at any level, you have a shot at entering this sham institution. In baseball, they award consistent, top level performance which was sustained over a period of 10-12 years. In hockey, the player just needs sustainability with some above average numbers. The last few years, they are admitting some players into the HOF, who just don’t seem like HOF kinda guys. Take Clark Gillies for example. Long career, productive player, good player, nice guy (I’m sure he was, anyway), and sure, four Stanley Cups don’t hurt….but Hall of Fame? The guy never even scored 100 points or 400 goals. I would never have guessed THAT one, if I was to apply the standards baseball uses to a guy like Gillies. Something just doesn’t compute here. Makes you wonder (fine, makes ME wonder).

But, does the RRHOF have standards closer to that of baseball, hockey, or the WWE (those guys let Cowboy Bob Orton in – what they hell did HE ever do other than wear that pink cowboy hat???). I figured it might be interesting to see who’s in the RRHOF, and figure out what kind of standards that insitution maintains.

In the early years of its existence, only rock and roll royalty was voted in. These included Elvis, Chuck Berry, The Beatles, The Stones, Bob Dylan, etc. Problem was, the people that run the whole notion of the RRHOF were in some kind of rush to get all the true legends in. It must have had something to do with the fact that they wanted an actual, tangible home for the legends of rock. Once you’re building a museum to draw rock fans from all corners of the globe, you need to represent all genres and eras. You can’t exclude anyone, because if you do, you are at the risk of alienating the guy who paid $20 to get in and see the exhibits, etc. You just KNOW that in 10 years, there’s going to be some guy from Puerto Rico, who’ll be all bent out of shape because the 2 guys who wrote and sang “The Macarena” aren’t in the RRHOF.

Today, they still have to put on an annual induction ceremony, which is a pay-per-view event, which ultimately translates to big bucks. But with everyone of true merit already a member, they gotta fill up the seats every year, and continue to put the plaques up on the walls. What’s a music-loving, blog-writing, atlas-memorizing fella to do, other than pick at the RRHOF’s membership base (it’s a rhetorical question, asked solely for the purposes of seguewaying to the meat of the blog, so don’t expect an answer).

So, starting right away with this year’s inductees, we see that something is amiss with the quality of the artists to whom the voters are admitting into the RRHOF. We see by visiting the RRHOF web site, that this year’s inductees include Percy Sledge. “Who the (remove expletive) is Percy Sledge???” is what are you are saying to yourself right now. He’s the guy who sang that “When a Man Loves a Woman” that was on the Wonder Years and in a bunch of Vietnam flicks. The next question you may be asking is “what ELSE did he sing?”. To my mind – nothing. Yeah, sure, the bio on the website goes on to say that he had some other hits, but seeing as I have never heard of any of them (nor has anyone else I know for that matter), they may have been OK tunes, but with no real staying power. So essentially, this guy is a one-hit wonder. The most logical sports equivalent would be if the baseball writers voted former Baltimore Orioles’s outfielder Brady Anderson into the BHOF. The guy had this one OUTSTANDING season, where he hit 50 home runs (!!!), and never came close to doing that before or after. Brady wasn’t a bad player though. He was alright. This sounds a lot like Percy Sledge. Great voice, had a huge hit, and that’s what people remember him for. Doesn’t sound like a hall of famer to me, though.

Next up, is the Pretenders. Yeah, I know – “They were SO influential!!!”. Whatever. You can be influential, but that doesn’t make you a hall of fame band. Unfortunately, the voting committee didn’t agree with me on this one. Other than “Brass in Pocket”, and “Back on the Chain Gang”, what tunes did they have? Of course, not all bands are singles/hits driven (like Pink Floyd or Yes), and thus they should have a few classic albums in their discography. Based on what I am reading about this band, their 1st LP kicked ass. One or 2 other albums were good. Beyond that , their albums sound like a crapshoot, and according to the writers doing the album ratings – just crap. I don’t know anyone with a single Pretenders CD – not even a greatest hits package. Maybe I need new friends….

Let’s look at some past inductees who don’t quite cut the proverbial mustard:

Ritchie Valens - You know this guy. Lou Diamond Philips played him in the movie called “La Bamba”, named after his most famous hit, which is actually a Mexican folk song that he decided to amplify. He had another great song in “Donna”, and both charted while he was at the tender age of 17. One can argue that Ritchie was going to make it in the world of Rock and Roll. He sadly perished that same year in the famous plane crash which also took the life of Buddy Holly and the Big Bopper. Tragic? Absolutely. Great promise? Most definitely. Hall of Famer? Not in my books. Yes, I feel bad, and he’s a sentimental choice, but what is this, a hall of fame, or the Sympathizers Music Appreciation Society?

Ike and Tina Turner – OK…before you freak out, let it be known that I have NO issue with Tina Turner and her HOF status. She’s simply, the best (sorry – I couldn’t resist). I just don’t get how Ike made it in though. The man was beat up his wife routinely – and she was actually his mealticket. She was really the most electrifying part of the act. They made a movie all about what a lowlife he was. If baseball can stick to their guns for not letting Pete Rose into Cooperstown (well, Ty Cobb did MUCH worse things in his day, and he’s in there – but I digress) for betting on some baseball games, then why wouldn’t the RRHOF hold similar moral standards for it’s membership? Ike was one of the founding fathers of Rock and Roll, and an excellent musician, but this just doesn’t sit well with me. I wonder if the voting committee had some kind of emergency meeting at some point to discuss the merit of his candidacy. Oh, to have been a fly on the wall in THAT meeting. I wonder how many times the word “misogynst” was screamed out…

Laverne Baker – Huh??? Anita Baker? Anita Bath? Laverne from Laverne and Shirley? Shirley from…oh, I give up. I just have NO clue who this is. Never heard of her. That’s, like, so NON-hall of fame. I have always stated that I don’t know everything about music, but I know something about almost all inductees. This is one of those few exceptions.

Do you see where I am coming from? I could go on – but I have been labouring over this blog for days now. Thanks to work, my basketball playoffs, and overall laziness, it’s taken me way longer than you - my loyal and adoring fans – deserve. Gotta get this puppy edited and posted.

To summarize, I’m disappointed with the number of inductees the RRHOF annually admits. The sheer number of inductees waters down the legendary status of the true legends I mentioned earlier. This saddens me (well, it doesn’t really sadden me. The term is simply used for its dramatic effect, and to accentuate the "severity" of this matter). I need a tapioca pudding to drown my sorrows.